The Complete Works Of Watchman Nee - Grace In Christianity -

He simply whispered, “Lord… I quit.”

Lin Wei put the book down. His hands were shaking.

But then he read a passage that stopped his breath. Nee described a Christian trying to be humble. The man clenches his jaw, lowers his voice, and forces a smile. He calls this "victory." But inside, his pride is boiling. Nee wrote: “The effort to suppress the self is not the cross; it is civil war. Grace is not God helping you to be better. Grace is God agreeing to live His life through you instead of you trying to live yours for Him.”

His theology was a ledger sheet. Every prayer was a deposit, every sinful thought a withdrawal. When he read the Sermon on the Mount, he didn’t see blessing; he saw a failure report. Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. The words felt like a whip. The Complete Works of Watchman Nee - Grace In Christianity

The next Sunday, Lin Wei showed up to church. He didn’t run the soundboard. He didn’t lead the prayer meeting. He sat in the back row.

He pulled the worn book from his jacket pocket. He opened it to a page where Watchman Nee had quoted the apostle Paul: “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.”

“Brother Lin Wei,” she whispered. “I failed again. I don’t think God wants me anymore.” He simply whispered, “Lord… I quit

“That’s not a goal,” Lin Wei said softly. “It’s a receipt. Paid in full.”

Lin Wei realized that for twenty-two years, he had been trying to get God to love him. He had missed the starting line. God already loved him. Grace wasn't the fuel for the engine of his effort; grace was the mechanic who told him the engine was junk and replaced it with His own.

Lin Wei had been a Christian for twenty-two years, and for twenty-two years, he had been exhausted. Nee described a Christian trying to be humble

One humid Tuesday, after a deacon’s meeting where he was scolded for the air conditioning bill, Lin Wei walked into a dingy second-hand bookstore in Chinatown. He wasn’t looking for God. He was looking for silence.

Lin Wei scoffed. I know this already.