Shrek.movie: New

…I cannot promise that.

Here’s a concept for a new Shrek movie, written in the style of an official logline and opening scene tease.

CUT TO: Title card. “SHREK: FAR FAR AWAY FROM HOME.” Kicking off with a cover of “Should I Stay or Should I Go” — but played entirely on washboard, donkey bray, and lute. new shrek.movie

SHREK looks at his reflection in a spoon. He sighs. A single, reluctant ogre tear falls. A tiny onion sprouts from the ground where it lands.

You’ve been reorganizing the mud by texture. You miss being an ogre. Not the fighting — the feeling. Go find your flower. I’ll hold down the swamp. …I cannot promise that

(He stands, groans audibly, one knee pops.)

Beat.

(without looking up from her book) Go, Shrek.