Because here is the truth: The people who love you for your performance will leave when you stop performing. The people who love you for you will stay.
For thirty years, Marta has honored that contract. She says "yes" to every favor. She apologizes for having a bad day. She explains her emotions in a soft voice so nobody feels threatened. She has perfected the art of shrinking.
Last Tuesday, Marta had a panic attack in the cereal aisle of the supermarket.
That is the prison of the Good Girl. It’s not just about pleasing others; it is about anticipating their needs. It is a hyper-vigilance that exhausts the soul. Marta doesn't have preferences anymore; she has compromises.
But beneath the polished surface of politeness, Marta is drowning.
Marta was raised on a very specific, very toxic diet of praise. Every time she put her own needs aside, the world rewarded her. "Marta, you are so mature for your age." "Marta, you never complain." "Marta, you are the perfect daughter."
We all know Marta Martínez.
Unconsciously, she signed a contract. The terms were simple: I will disappear so you will love me.
You are a human being. And human beings are allowed to be tired. They are allowed to say no. They are allowed to choose themselves for once.
